November 15, 2012 by Alicia
(Disclaimer: Mr. Rockstar is just as responsible for Little Miss’ great first year – this is simply my personal reflection on motherhood).
Little Miss turned one on November 3rd. ONE! I can’t believe I’m the mother of a one year old. I can’t believe I’ve had my life completely revolve around nap times and feeding schedules for 12 months now. I can’t believe my daughter is so cute (yeah I’m biased). I can’t believe how quick this year has gone and yet some days are eternal. I can’t believe how big she is. I can’t believe how long her hair is. I can’t believe I’ve managed to keep her alive for a year. I still can’t believe that this little tiny person depends on me for literally everything in her life. I can’t believe God has chosen me to be her mom.
It’s been a great year. And when I say great, I mean GREAT. She has been on the same feeding and nap schedule for the past 10 months (knock on wood). She’s content and happy pretty much all the time. I have been fortunate enough to stay home with her about 75% of the time which I have treasured. One of my favorite things about motherhood is lying in bed in the morning and listening to her babble in her crib and clap her hands.
Those are the highs of the year. There have certainly been low points. Those low points actually just stem from my own selfishness or desire for instant gratification. Motherhood is definitely not for the weak at heart and it is certainly not always rainbows and butterflies. Of course she’s had fussy days, had to get shots, refused a bottle, had a bad nights sleep, was gassy, thrown food, spilled things, pooped everywhere, peed on me, screamed when I left a room, kicked me, pulled my hair, whined incessantly, puked, etc… Some days just plain suck. Some days you watch out the window for dad to get home so you can just get out of the house without a baby. Some days you just want life to be about you and your husband again. Some days you want to be able to pick up and go off for the weekend. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed and be depended on all day long. I may be a terrible person for feeling this way but it’s the truth (judge me if you must). Motherhood is all about giving. Everything you got. All the time. And when you don’t have any left, they need you to give more.
And the funny thing is – it really is an honor. It really is all worth it when your child lights up when you come in the room. When they reach up to you and say “mama,” all the frustrating days just seem insignificant. So to any new moms out there I say: It’ll change your life. And it will suck and be glorious all at the same time. To any veteran moms out there: You were right – it is worth it.
I’m beyond grateful for my beautiful daughter and still completely amazed that she’s an actual person who lived inside me and I now get to see grow every day. I’m once again completely in awe of God’s design.
Now for some fun pictures from her 1st Birthday Party, themed The Very Hungry Caterpillar.